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Life Change – 6 Ways to Get Through Major Transitions and Move On (Even If You Don’t Think You Can)
From the moment we are born we become part of a natural cycle of beginnings and endings. This is easily seen in nature with the changing of the seasons, and so it is with our lives. While we may experience long periods of time when little or nothing changes, inevitably something happens to disrupt the status quo.
A transition is a major life change characterized by a sharp break with the past. They are turning points that result in movement from one role to another. Some of these are predictable, some are not. Some are voluntary, such as marriage, moving to a new home or changing careers. Others can hit us dramatically and unexpectedly, such as a life-threatening accident or illness, a sudden job loss, or the death of a loved one.
Good or bad, life-changing events cause us to leave something behind. They force us to adapt to a new way of life, whether we are prepared to do so or not. Transitions can be times of excitement, anticipation, curiosity and hope for the future, even as the present can be a time of sorrow and loss. They offer us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and use our inner coping skills. They enable us to make fundamental changes in the way we see the world and ask ourselves what we really want from life. Transitions are equivalent to animals shedding their skin in order to grow.
How well you deal with a life-changing event determines the direction and quality of your future. Your identity should become that of a traveler embarking on a journey to unknown and exciting places. Like a river that must be crossed if you want to reach the opposite bank, you must find your own best way to cross the troubled water. Here are six ways to make this transition easier.
1. Take small steps. Although adjustments to the way you live may be necessary now, this is not the time to make other important decisions. In the midst of a major life change, we can become so emotional that we lose our ability to reason and think clearly. While we all like to think of ourselves as confident people who can handle anything, even the strongest of us can be brought to the brink of a breakdown if the trauma is great enough. Therefore, it is important not to make important decisions while your brain is still in a fog. Just take one step at a time and only deal with your most immediate issues.
2. Give yourself enough time to adjust. To ease your anxiety, you may be tempted to rush into something new before you have time to finish processing the old one. You need time to sort out what happened and gain insight into what you want now. Old realities take time to replace, and you may not have clear direction on what to do next. This is like going on a road trip without a road map – you may find yourself on some pretty rough roads or even a dead end.
3. Don’t see yourself as a victim. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t blame others for unwanted changes that may have come without warning. As hard as it is, if you can accept what happened and see how you may have contributed to it, or the part you played in it, your progress will be much faster. When you are able to see life’s challenges as a normal part of living instead of insurmountable obstacles, you will adapt better and find it easier to deal with them.
4. Surround yourself with positive people. Avoid energy-wasters, counselors, and those who insist on being devil’s advocates. You don’t need to hear how much worse someone else’s misfortune is when you’re trying to cope with your own. Nor do you need to spend your energies defending your actions or trying to solve someone else’s problems. At this point you need all your energy and inner strength for yourself.
5. Take care of yourself. Emotional and physical stress affects our well-being. Through our nervous system, brain cells communicate with the body by means of chemical messengers (neurotransmitters). When too much stress disrupts that communication, you’re likely to experience sleep disturbances, aches and pains, depression and anxiety. If left untreated and resolved, stress can eventually result in more serious physical conditions and even illness.
6. Change your perspective. This may be one of the biggest challenges you will ever face, but it will also make the biggest difference. Instead of dwelling on the doors that are closed, start focusing on the ones that are still open. Don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of your best interests and above all, don’t fall prey to guilt and self-pity. You are the only one who can save yourself from the depths of despair. Life will be a lot easier if you don’t go there in the first place.
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