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How To Snap Out Of Loneliness
In a world bursting at the seams due to overpopulation, it is ironic that thousands of people suffer from loneliness. Relationships are very important. We thrive in our connection with family, friends and community. Life should be lived with others. Man is a social animal and to remain healthy, we need the acceptance, love and support of others.
Loneliness is a subjective experience. There are no limits. Whether young or old, rich or poor, single or married, educated or uneducated, anyone can suffer from loneliness. There is a lack of community and therefore a sense of isolation even when surrounded by a crowd. It is being trapped within the walls that separate and alienate a person from those around them. Jeffrey Young described three types of loneliness.
– Transient: Everyone experiences short periods of loneliness or solitude. Something so incredible and exciting has happened that the need to enjoy just that moment becomes important. Or in a fit of rage, one must calm down and regain self-control.
– Situation: Situations such as job loss, job loss, a fight with a spouse or friends, or travel that involves separation from family, can cause periods of loneliness. However, this is temporary.
– Chronic loneliness is a sign of depression. A person withdraws into himself, becomes cloudy and non-communicative. He feels that he is not wanted or needed by anyone and that life is not worth living. Warren Wiersbe calls it “malnutrition of the soul.”
– Loneliness must be distinguished from solitude. It is simply physical isolation for a purpose. Creative people seek solitude in order to focus on their work without distraction. Writers like JD Salinger and poets like Emily Dickenson preferred to be secluded.
Solitude is also sought by many for prayer and meditation.
Causes of loneliness:
1. No time for meaningful relationships. Frequent job transfers make it impossible to put down roots. Some people take a long time to make friends and by the time they do, they are ready to move on.
2. Competitiveness. One becomes self-centered and too busy to succeed in life.
3. Fame and prestigious positions can be isolating. Someone once said, “Success can be as cold and lonely as the North Pole.”
4. Fear of physical contact with strangers: People who live alone, especially the elderly or women who live in areas where there are no immediate neighbors.
5. Impersonal and unfriendly societies are usually seen in big cities.
6. Disappearance of extended families. Women are deprived of security and society.
7. Emotional isolation of spouses who feel trapped in lonely and isolated marriages.
8. Empty nest syndrome. Women feel that they have lost their important role as mothers.
10. Lack of communication skills.
11. Physical disabilities or feelings of being too fat, too thin, or too ugly.
12. Financial Limitations.
13. Illness and fear of imminent death.
• Lack of friends during childhood and adolescence can be a predisposing factor for loneliness.
• Childhood rejection or injury. They feel unloved and because of these hurtful experiences, they fear being hurt again.
• Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. They are unable to love themselves and are full of self-pity.
• Burden of guilt. Isolation keeps them from repeating mistakes.
• Psychological problems such as depression, mental illness or physical contact phobia.
• Some socially disturbing events in life such as a broken marriage. Life after separation can feel like death. “Falling in love is extremely simple, but falling out of love is just awful,” says Bess Myerson.
• Losing a spouse or child can result in chronic grief and withdrawal from family and friends.
– The inability to love God or to love oneself or one’s neighbor.
– Anger can make a person lonely and alien to himself. “Bitterness is a poison pill that we swallow so that the other person dies.”
Effects of loneliness:
1. Various medical studies have shown a 3-fold increase in heart disease in those who isolate themselves. The American Framingham Heart Study (2005) showed that lonely men had increased levels of Interleukin 6 (IL 6), a chemical associated with heart disease.
Other studies show a decrease in HDL (good cholesterol) and increase in bad cholesterol LDH, increase in blood pressure and blood sugar. Loneliness depresses the immune system. Infections become severe. Viral infections such as herpes (genital and oral) are difficult to cure.
Limbs become cold due to narrowing of peripheral blood vessels. (vasoconstriction)
Can someone die of loneliness? Studies say it can lead to premature death. It is said that lonely people live shorter lives.
2. The tendency to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other substances is high.
3. Loners can be angry, cynical or hostile. So people keep them at arm’s length.
4. Lonely people hurt themselves not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.
How to cure loneliness:
• Analyze the reasons for your loneliness. Is it possible to eliminate or overcome them? Need help changing?
• Work to make friends. Human beings are social animals. We depend on each other for mental stability. No man is an island. “What are we to live for if we’re not going to make life less difficult for each other?” says George Eliot.
Dr. William Glasser was of the opinion that “At all times in our lives, we must have at least one person who cares for us and for whom we can care for ourselves. If we do not have this essential person, we will not be in able to take care of our basic needs”.
• Develop self-love and regain your self-esteem.
• Expand your social circle. It is important to have a network of friends with whom you can talk, laugh, discuss issues and learn how they deal with problems. “If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances in life, he will soon find himself left alone,” says Samuel Johnson.
Cultivate group activities. Go for movies, watch a game or catch a cricket match.
Use your interpersonal skills to interact and communicate with others.
• Outdoor exercise like walking, running, jogging, cycling, swimming will eradicate loneliness.
• Make yourself a pet. Animal-assisted therapy has been successful in many cases. Studies show that it prevents the increase in blood pressure and lowers the level of cholesterol and triglycerides.
• Cultivate interesting hobbies that take your mind off yourself. Music, painting, writing or gardening are good hobbies.
• Short-term therapy under a professional counselor may be required to overcome negative feelings, develop a positive attitude towards life, improve communication skills and build friendships. It may take two or three months.
• Involve yourself in social activities. Reach out to someone else who is lonely.
“Try to care for anything in this great world but the gratification of petty selfish desires. Look at other lives besides your own. See what their problems are and how they meet them,” says George Eliot.
• Spend time with family members.
• Religion: Get closer to God. It can bring inner healing.
• Nursing home relationships have proven to be beneficial for lonely seniors.
Loneliness is debilitating but curable. Blessed are those who have the gift of friendship.
One must learn to say with Robert Burns: “I want some one to laugh with me, some one to grieve with me, some one to please me and help my discrimination with his or her remark and sometimes doubtless, to admire my insight”.
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